Still waiting. And while I wait, apparently formula companies enjoy giving me a head start that I am not quite ready for.
I came home on Friday to a box of Enfamil.
While it makes me excited, it also makes me want to be impatient and have a baby in my arms already. But I also don't want to rush anything. I also don't want to put all the hopes in getting an infant. My age range is 0 years to 4 years. It could be years or never before an infant is placed with me. It could also potentially be my first placement. Or any in between.
I don't have a preference. My heart is open to whatever the Lord has planned for me.
And if the time comes where the shelf life of the formula is waning thin, I know of a great women's and children's place close to my home. If the Littles in my home can't benefit from the cases of formula, I know where they will be put to good use and whole-heartedly appreciated.
I will continue to wait on the Lord and see where He guides me. :)
A season of waiting. And hoping. And trusting.
Monday, May 18, 2015
Monday, May 11, 2015
Gain and Loss
Loss. It is what makes foster care so hard.
Mother's Day was yesterday. I was really hoping I would have had my license in the mail by then. I am still in a season of waiting. My day will come.
I was not anticipating having children in my care this soon. I didn't want my license so that I could have children so that I would be qualified to celebrate Mom's Day.
The hardest part about foster care is the loss that comes with it. The children that enter into the children welfare system don't choose it. They don't want it. They don't anticipate or embrace waking up in a strangers house where they don't know the rules. They don't know the routine. They don't know the people or the food or the location. They don't know where mommy, daddy, grandma, papa, or sometimes even baby brother or big sister are.
They don't understand that they were living in an unhealthy situation. They don't know anything else. They have adapted to their living environment. They have taken on a role that often not even many adults take on.
--
I am not going into this to earn the "mom status." I am not going into this to fulfill a longing to be "mother."
My heart breaks for the women who long so much to be mothers, but can't be. My heart furies at the ladies who are mothers but don't embrace selflessness.
--
I might gain a child for a day, a week, a year or a lifetime. A child may gain a stable living environment, a safe shelter, a forever home. But they will experience a loss that I will never know. I will never know what it feels like to be taken from my home and lose everything I have come to know.
Too often we use adult rational and think that a child should be happy to be in a stable environment. We fail to even try to come to a place where we relate to a child and try to fathom their grief and loss. They may not understand stable and healthy. They just know what they used to have they have no longer and that what they used to do and eat and play and live has been taken away from them.
--
I want to be the momma that God has called me to. Whatever that looks like. Whenever that happens.
Mother's Day was yesterday. I was really hoping I would have had my license in the mail by then. I am still in a season of waiting. My day will come.
I was not anticipating having children in my care this soon. I didn't want my license so that I could have children so that I would be qualified to celebrate Mom's Day.
The hardest part about foster care is the loss that comes with it. The children that enter into the children welfare system don't choose it. They don't want it. They don't anticipate or embrace waking up in a strangers house where they don't know the rules. They don't know the routine. They don't know the people or the food or the location. They don't know where mommy, daddy, grandma, papa, or sometimes even baby brother or big sister are.
They don't understand that they were living in an unhealthy situation. They don't know anything else. They have adapted to their living environment. They have taken on a role that often not even many adults take on.
--
I am not going into this to earn the "mom status." I am not going into this to fulfill a longing to be "mother."
My heart breaks for the women who long so much to be mothers, but can't be. My heart furies at the ladies who are mothers but don't embrace selflessness.
--
I might gain a child for a day, a week, a year or a lifetime. A child may gain a stable living environment, a safe shelter, a forever home. But they will experience a loss that I will never know. I will never know what it feels like to be taken from my home and lose everything I have come to know.
Too often we use adult rational and think that a child should be happy to be in a stable environment. We fail to even try to come to a place where we relate to a child and try to fathom their grief and loss. They may not understand stable and healthy. They just know what they used to have they have no longer and that what they used to do and eat and play and live has been taken away from them.
--
I want to be the momma that God has called me to. Whatever that looks like. Whenever that happens.
Monday, May 4, 2015
Share your story!
I love sharing my journey with others. I love getting to share my heart and hear the journey of others.
Sometimes the journey throws curve balls. Sometimes the plan far exceeds my own dreams and visions.
Right now I'm at a place of waiting. It is outside of my control. And in God's hands. Where it has always been. The entire time. <3
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