Foster Care, and Feeling all the Feels

Sometimes I sit and I ponder, and think a not very positive thought.

I question this journey, where my heart has been wrung and been wrought.

Raw open emotion, allowing my heart to be exposed,

Feelings and emotions, these doors cannot be closed.

To feel and to be, to love and be present each day,

Waking up with a smile, and embrace living this way.

These children have not chosen a life such as this,

Crying and fighting, begging for their family who they so desperately miss.

To give all they have, just to know their old normal,

This new place is foreign, so wrong, so abnormal.

To comfort and love, to hug and to cry,

To feel all the feels and have tear stained faces as the tears try to dry.

So often the world doesn’t understand, they don’t know,

These children’s stories, the pain, the sorrow the woe.

The world offers words, their attempts are pure,

Though often these comments can be obscure.

Often these snippets are riddled with good intentions,

But too deeply they hold a weight with so many tensions.

I understand that you are curious and have questions,

But knowing their story shouldn’t affect the love expressions.

The comments that are spoken, cannot be unheard,

My head is left shaking, thinking “absurd.”

’It is great for people to do this … those who can’t have kids of their own.’

‘Just watch out … they’ll set the house on fire.’

‘It is going to hurt real bad when they go home.’

‘I can’t do it; I would get too attached.’

The list continues, the emotions burn, although taken as lightly as I know how.

It gets better, I find my peace, and the burden gets lighter somehow.

I am here for the children, my heart is so full.

I am their advocate, their caregiver, their parent and I‘ll take no bull.

This isn’t the place they want to be, they have not been given a choice,

I am their world, their home, their words when they have no voice.

Take it or leave it, there is no in between,

Build up, encourage, these kids need self-esteem.

This mission is a mission straight from heaven, God-breathed,

All the strength and grace needed will be received.

Join me in rejoicing when a child comes and goes,

Praying God’s love sowed in them blossoms and grows.

While they didn’t grow within me, and long after reunification occurs,

I’ll love them like my own, every day all through the years.

My heart is on the line, and I would expect nothing less,

Then for my home and my heart to be ever blessed.

While tears are inevitable and grieving is a process,

I am excited for all the littles to pass through my doors, I confess.

Joy comes in the morning, though there may be sorrow at night,

I am reassured by this promise, so be gone all fear and all fright.

Wherever life takes me, God is my compass, my guide,

He goes ahead of me, behind me, and walks along my side.

Through the good times and bad, my faith is in Him,

I’ll sing yes and amen, and loud alleluias, forever on my lips, those are my hymn.

 

Another Update

We mostly take the days in stride, living each moment to moment. At least we try.


It is far easier to say than it is to do. But we sure do try.


We just celebrated our first Christmas. Her first Christmas and my first Christmas as a momma. It was really special. Bittersweet. Everything about foster care is bittersweet.


The baby has been taking her first steps. She may very well be walking by her first birthday coming up soon. But she is a little hesitant.


She is starting to talk a lot more. No real words, really, but she is getting there! She says "Mama" "Ni-nigh" "bye-bye" and "Mona." And perhaps a few others thrown in there that I am not quite sure what they mean yet.


She has such a personality! I love it.


She continues to be an excellent sleeper and eater. She has become slightly more picky, but still doesn't turn much down.


I love this season. Our time to say good bye or "see you later" may be soon approaching, but for now, we love these moments and live them to the fullest.