My Journey from One to More

Monday, June 8, 2015

Once upon a time ....

... in a land and time that seems so far away, a little girl held a dream so close to her heart.

This dream was to one day be a momma. She rocked her baby dolls. She gave them their bottles regularly. They got baths, and clean clothes.

They were so very well loved and cared for.

This little girl was not ordinary. One of her biggest prayers was that when she awoke, the baby dolls that were entrusted to her care would wake up and they would be real live, living and breathing babies.

Morning after morning, night after night, this prayer remained on her lips.

Her desire and hope to be a momma was so intense.

As time went on and the little girl became a big girl, she knew now that baby dolls would not become live babies. She wanted to travel the world and care for the orphans. Her biggest dream now was to open an orphanage in the heart of the city.

It was a sad day when she learned that America no longer runs orphanages. Babies need nurturing and love. They were not getting this in orphanages. This girl wanted to change that. She wanted to prove that she had enough love to raise world changers.

Many years later, the big girl was now a young lady and thinking about courtship, marriage and raising a family. She had a place to live, but so longed for the pitter patter of little feet, the sticky finger prints on the wall, and cuddles in the rocking chair as bed time stories were told. She longed for play dates and trips to the park. She knew it wasn't all about fun times, and that there were going to be temper tantrums, and "terrible twos" and diaper rashes, and teething babies, and all the responsibilities that cone along with the joys of motherhood.

One afternoon, she felt a nudge. A whisper, if you will, asking her if she would be willing to be a foster mom. "There are so many littles in the world that don't know me, they don't know my love," she heard. This young lady didn't know what to make of it. Was she imagining things? Was this something she could do? She wasn't married. She didn't own a home. She was working 3 part time jobs. Could she give up her "freedom" and commit to this task?

Years went by but this desire in her heart grew. It went with her as she moved several times in a year. It remained with her as she transitioned from 3 jobs to 2 jobs and an internship. It stayed with her as she went to school and pursued a degree. It remained with her so much that she often daydreamed about and prayed for the babies needing love.

Finally she moved into a home that was far too large for just her and her normal day to day life. She had come to possess so many material riches that her closet was actually 2 closets. There was so much stuff that it took up not only 2 bedrooms, but also a utility closet.

She just kept packing in the stuff. Her material possession were expanding.

Not long after moving in, she was talking with a very dear friend of her and they were discussing life. It was shortly after this beautiful soul left when this young woman had to sit down in the entry way because she knew. She knew that this was the place where God's glory was going to be shown. She knew that world changers would emerge from within those 4 walls.

Every year, it was journaled about. Every year it was written as resolution. "Inquire about foster care."

"How can this be? I am not married, I don't own a home, I am so young!" These thoughts floated in her mind. She pondered and prayed. She said if it was meant to be, it would be, but she would need to be shown how.

Only though the foster care and adoption of her own baby sister would she realize that the steps had been being prepared for her all along.

"Faith ... is taking the first step without seeing the entire staircase."

It has been an uphill journey for this young woman. She has learned so much in the process. Her passion and love for the broken and hurting in the word increases day by day.

While the journey is certainly upward, it has not come easy. There have been road blocks, and tests. All of which are continually surrendered to the Lord.

Sure she wants to have littles in her home now, loving on them. Yes, she wants to be making a difference and wishes she had children in her care months ago.

But she realizes that anything beautiful takes time. Anything worth having is worth waiting for.

The principles she has learned in this journey so far can be applied to far more life circumstances then just this one area.

In all areas she is learning to trust in the Lord with all of hear heart. To lean on Him and not her own understanding. To have faith that God has called her to something far more beautiful then she could ever imagine or think she wants.

It has been a beautiful journey, and one that will have a magical ending for all involved. A story that will have more than just one happy ending. :)

Monday, June 1, 2015

Small Update

Nothing really new happening ... yet. I had to have my environmental health study redone since the one that I originally submitted was deemed as "expired."

That was completed on Friday. Now I need my septic tank pumped and a report card filled out on that. Once that is done, everything will be forwarded off to the State again.

I have confidence that everything is working on for the greater glory of God.

He constantly reminds me that He has called me to this and that He will bring me through it.

One that note, I purchased a double jogger. The chances of getting just 1 child in my care is very slim. Mostly likely I will have 2, most likely a sibling group. No guarantees or normals, but that is what I have been told is the most likely.

Seeing that I have to prepare for a half marathon, having a double jogger is pertinent. And I can also rollerblade behind it. I am pretty excited to dust of those bad boys.

Until next time .... lots of love!

Monday, May 18, 2015

Another Box

Still waiting. And while I wait, apparently formula companies enjoy giving me a head start that I am not quite ready for.

I came home on Friday to a box of Enfamil.

While it makes me excited, it also makes me want to be impatient and have a baby in my arms already. But I also don't want to rush anything. I also don't want to put all the hopes in getting an infant. My age range is 0 years to 4 years. It could be years or never before an infant is placed with me. It could also potentially be my first placement. Or any in between.

I don't have a preference. My heart is open to whatever the Lord has planned for me.

And if the time comes where the shelf life of the formula is waning thin, I know of a great women's and children's place close to my home. If the Littles in my home can't benefit from the cases of formula, I know where they will be put to good use and whole-heartedly appreciated.

I will continue to wait on the Lord and see where He guides me. :)

A season of waiting. And hoping. And trusting.

Monday, May 11, 2015

Gain and Loss

Loss. It is what makes foster care so hard.

Mother's Day was yesterday. I was really hoping I would have had my license in the mail by then. I am still in a season of waiting. My day will come.

I was not anticipating having children in my care this soon. I didn't want my license so that I could have children so that I would be qualified to celebrate Mom's Day.

The hardest part about foster care is the loss that comes with it. The children that enter into the children welfare system don't choose it. They don't want it. They don't anticipate or embrace waking up in a strangers house where they don't know the rules. They don't know the routine. They don't know the people or the food or the location. They don't know where mommy, daddy, grandma, papa, or sometimes even baby brother or big sister are.

They don't understand that they were living in an unhealthy situation. They don't know anything else. They have adapted to their living environment. They have taken on a role that often not even many adults take on.

--

I am not going into this to earn the "mom status." I am not going into this to fulfill a longing to be "mother."

My heart breaks for the women who long so much to be mothers, but can't be. My heart furies at the ladies who are mothers but don't embrace selflessness.

--

I might gain a child for a day, a week, a year or a lifetime. A child may gain a stable living environment, a safe shelter, a forever home. But they will experience a loss that I will never know. I will never know what it feels like to be taken from my home and lose everything I have come to know.

Too often we use adult rational and think that a child should be happy to be in a stable environment. We fail to even try to come to a place where we relate to a child and try to fathom their grief and loss. They may not understand stable and healthy. They just know what they used to have they have no longer and that what they used to do and eat and play and live has been taken away from them.

--

I want to be the momma that God has called me to. Whatever that looks like. Whenever that happens.

Monday, May 4, 2015

Share your story!

I love sharing my journey with others. I love getting to share my heart and hear the journey of others.

Sometimes the journey throws curve balls. Sometimes the plan far exceeds my own dreams and visions.

Right now I'm at a place of waiting. It is outside of my control. And in God's hands. Where it has always been. The entire time. <3

Monday, April 27, 2015

I have a little puppy

For the past year, I have had the privilege of being "mommy" to a little Maltipoo pup. She loves her bones, treats, running around outdoors (especially collecting leaves!!), snuggles, fetch, and just being with people.

A bond between dog and man is quite a phenomenal thing. My puppy knows when to expect me home. She is waiting by my door when I come home. She knows when my dad is coming home. She waits at the top of the stairs, or on the couch watching diligently. She can sit, stay, and shake. She loves getting and receiving kisses. Belly rubs and scratches behind the ears are some of her favorites.

She doesn't like her crate at all. She needs it for car rides, so ultimately she isn't a huge fan of car rides. She doesn't like sleeping anywhere besides next to her owners. The piano, she either loves or hates. I can't tell what her howling means yet. Baths ... she isn't a fan of those at all.

One of my favorite things about my "baby squidgey" is the bond she has with my "baby squeezy" aka "baby sister."

I have a little sister and the bond the two of them share is unbreakable. My sisters have had a year of practice as this whole "aunt" thing because baby puppy is "baby niece." I often tell my puppy "Let's go up to the aunties' house!"

Mona. Mona is my baby squidgey's "Real name" but we don't often use it. My little sister is just learning how to say 2 syllable words. Mona has been called "Momo" and most recently, what melts my heart, is the little voice saying "No-ma."

My puppy is so patient with little hands. She will sit and "be rocked" on the couch watching movies. She will be wrapped in a blanket and be carried around. She has too often been picked up upside down and carried.

She is so patient. She never bits, nips, or scratches the youngsters she is around.

I remember when they first met. There was jumping, and kicking, and then not wanting to a thing to do with each other. It has been incredible watching their bond strengthen. The squeal of "MONA!" when the pup goes running through the door and into the hands of the baby sister is quite a testimony.

I am really excited to see the bond baby puppy will form with the littles who will inhabit her territory. There is a little bit of hesitation as I know small dogs and children aren't an ideal mix. With careful supervision, and clear boundaries, as well as some time and patience, I am sure "No-ma" will win the hearts of many and bring a comfort that no man can offer.