This journey has been in the Hands of God since before it was even a thought in my head.
So often, I wonder ... why can't every other area of my life be in such submission and surrender to God's will like this one? So often I try to take the reins of life and try to steer and dictate the course or the outcome.
So often I find myself struggling with a broken heart or weeping because I feel I just can't move forward.
How come I can't be content? How come I can't see the bigger picture? How come I can't "Let go, and let God?" Why must I have the upperhand and why must I know the outcome before taking any action?
This journey has taught me so much just in the past few months. When I first embarked on this journey, I sent a dear friend a text message along the lines of "I feel I am right on the edge of something beautiful and something nerve-wracking. Like I am on the edge of the water. It is scary, but is is so peaceful! I want to feel like this all the time! I want God to direct my life as clearly as He is this part!"
Why is it that I so often forget that when I do let God takes the reigns, peace immediately follows? He wants to so much direct every area of my life. Why do I think too often that I can be my own strength and my own protector? His plan and His will is far superior than I could ever possibly think up.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8-9
If it weren't for God, this journey from one to more would not even be possible. I have those moments when I find myself on my knees in a joyful thanksgiving with tears pouring down my face with the praise "Thank you, Lord, for not giving me what I wanted so desperately!"
I reflect on so many areas of my life. I just sit and shake my head. But I also lift my hands.
I needed those moments. I needed the tears. I needed the pain. It wasn't needed in the grand scheme of things, but I needed them to get to where I am. Those moments grew me. Those moments defined me. Those moments taught me and often remind(ed) me that I belong to my Heavenly Father.
One of the greatest things I have learned is that it is ok to be human. It is ok to make mistakes and learn from them. I have learned how much my Father loves me. I have learned to trust Him and trust that His timing is far better than what I think I want.
I am done trying to take control and dictate my own life. At least I am until the next time I try, only to be taken into my Abba's loving embrace and reminded that His ways are far better than my own ways.
The biggest theme the past many months has been "wait" which ultimately equals patience.
This is a season of growing, a season of planting, a season of waiting. My heart is open to the newness God has in store for me.
One of the first Bible passages I memorized was Psalm 51:10. "Create in me a pure heart, O God; and renew a steadfast spirit within me." I want a pure heart. I want all I do to spring forth from not only good intentions, but rather from Spirit breathed dreams and God-spoken promises.
I want to walk with the Giants and conquer mighty things for God's kingdom!
I want to raise Giants. I want to inspire these children who may struggle with finding their place in this world, that there is a bigger picture. There is a reason to live, to hope and to dream.
We all have a purpose. We all have a calling. We are called to be world changes and called to share the Gospel and spread the Love of Christ everywhere we go.
What does your calling look like? I know mine.
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