On Authority

Reading. Wondering. Thinking. Typing. Thinking. Wondering. Pondering. Going in circles.


Feeling so far from authoritative. Feeling like the only control I have is slowly slipping away.


What kind of authority do I really even have? I am not even sure I am seen and recognized by my littles as having much authority over them.


But what kind of authority am I looking for? To be powerful? To rank and rule over them?


No. Not really. I want relational authority. To be an influence. Not to be fire and brimstone and full of consequence.


Life in this world has a flow of consequence that follows, but parenthood doesn't have to force unnecessary consequences.


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To set rules and limits. To clearly establish what is allowed and not allowed. To even know what those look like.


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What do you do when a toddler only want to hit? What to do when they know more than a child should know? What do you do when a child has been exposed to far more in their little lives then you yourself has been exposed to in a life time?


How do they process and discern "right" from "wrong." I don't necessarily believe my children are intentionally doing wrong, or trying to be a bad kid. But they act based on what their perception of the world has been for so long.


Can I offer them a new perspective and help shape their perception? I sure do hope I can.


I hope I can offer calm and collected and peaceful resolutions. I want to be open in my body language. Yet I am struggling with being too passive, or coming off as "just not caring" or being too rigid.


I feel inexperienced. I feel like my insecurities are showing everywhere I go. I am confident in my God who can do far more than I can imagine or dream of. I am confident that I am impacting these babies far more than I can recognize. Yet I struggle. I struggle to know that I am doing things right. I struggle with forgetting to bring the sippy cup out the door. I struggle to remember to pack toys in the diaper bag. I struggle with bringing toys in the car to keep the kidlets entertained.


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Remembering to just breath. And know that God is good and that He alone gives me my daily bread in all I do and all I need. Amen

Life with Two

Two foster littles. I always knew I'd get to this point. I just never envisioned the how.


I opened my home up for two children because I didn't want siblings to be separated. I knew my chances of getting littles would be greater if I were licensed for more than 1.


Then the call came for the baby. Then the call came for a little who was unfortunately being separated from the siblings as they tried to have them all together but it wasn't going too well.


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My life as a single mom of two is .. well, crazy, eventful, wonderful, and oh so lovely!


I feel like we are always on a go, then suddenly it is bedtime and bam. Babies in bed.


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I have good sleepers and good eaters. I have generally happy littles.


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We read, play outdoors, pretend, go on adventures and overall soak up togetherness.


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I laugh when I think about what is, and what was "supposed" to be. I was suppose to be a mom of two for a very short period of time. It has now been 6 weeks and 1 day. It was maybe going to overlap a week or two.


Good thing I am flexible and go with the flow. It isn't always easy, but it is rewarding. It is the small things that really capture my heart and love for what I do.


A 3 year old that loves hugs and kisses and needs them before I leave after dropping him off at daycare. A 3 year old that insists on prayers before bed each night. A 3 year old that finds amusement in the littest of things like a pair of ear plugs.


A 1 year old that is growing and exploring and watching her personality develop. A 1 year old that enjoys snuggles and being the princess that she is.


I've learned a great deal about being a momma and my kiddos. I would not change anything right now. :)