On Authority

Reading. Wondering. Thinking. Typing. Thinking. Wondering. Pondering. Going in circles.


Feeling so far from authoritative. Feeling like the only control I have is slowly slipping away.


What kind of authority do I really even have? I am not even sure I am seen and recognized by my littles as having much authority over them.


But what kind of authority am I looking for? To be powerful? To rank and rule over them?


No. Not really. I want relational authority. To be an influence. Not to be fire and brimstone and full of consequence.


Life in this world has a flow of consequence that follows, but parenthood doesn't have to force unnecessary consequences.


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To set rules and limits. To clearly establish what is allowed and not allowed. To even know what those look like.


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What do you do when a toddler only want to hit? What to do when they know more than a child should know? What do you do when a child has been exposed to far more in their little lives then you yourself has been exposed to in a life time?


How do they process and discern "right" from "wrong." I don't necessarily believe my children are intentionally doing wrong, or trying to be a bad kid. But they act based on what their perception of the world has been for so long.


Can I offer them a new perspective and help shape their perception? I sure do hope I can.


I hope I can offer calm and collected and peaceful resolutions. I want to be open in my body language. Yet I am struggling with being too passive, or coming off as "just not caring" or being too rigid.


I feel inexperienced. I feel like my insecurities are showing everywhere I go. I am confident in my God who can do far more than I can imagine or dream of. I am confident that I am impacting these babies far more than I can recognize. Yet I struggle. I struggle to know that I am doing things right. I struggle with forgetting to bring the sippy cup out the door. I struggle to remember to pack toys in the diaper bag. I struggle with bringing toys in the car to keep the kidlets entertained.


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Remembering to just breath. And know that God is good and that He alone gives me my daily bread in all I do and all I need. Amen