One Step Closer

I heard from my Licensing Specialist today. He said he is hoping to finalize the licensing process here in the near future.

All of a sudden it feels so very real.

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Last night I ordered 2 cribs and a car seat. I got a pretty great deal on them and I just received word prior to writing this post that the order in its entirety shipped. The first of the baby things are on their way!

This past week I had Thursday night off which was a welcomed absurdity. I cleaned out the "linen closet" from all kinds of saved boxes, totes with useless paraphernalia from years past as well as some things destined for Good Will. Now there is adequate room for shelving units so I can get organized and stock up on actual linens and clothes for 0-4 year olds of either gender. 

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My mom has generously offered me 2 gates and a highchair that she no longer has a need for.

I presently don't have any children's items in my house besides the few receiving blankets that I pulled out of my linen tote, washed and folded. I feel that I am well on track, but also feel there is so much to accomplish.

I do have to admit that the most challenging part of this journey is that I don't know exactly what age I will have in my home at any given time. I might have two youngsters under 2. I might have a 4 year old and an infant. I might have two 3 year olds. I just don't know. I will have the option to say "yes" or "no" when I receive the call, but at this time, I am just preparing for any age between 0 and 4 years.

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I received the "rough draft" of my home study last week. It excited me. Not only to receive it, but to read through it and have that feeling of "so close now!"

Time continues to tick on. My heart's capacity to give and receive expands.

I welcome this season and the seasons ahead.

Sure, I don't know what lies ahead. But I do know that God has called me to this and He doesn't call the qualified; He qualifies the called. Each and every day I am reminded how without Him this isn't even possible for me.

But with God, ALL things are possible.

Yes, Lord, send me.

This Home is Love

You make me brave
You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the love that made a way

You make me brave
You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the promises you made
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the love that made a way

- Bethel Music

There are somethings in life that I ponder and question and wonder if I made the right choice. With this journey, there hasn't been a doubt in my mind. 

I keep reading all these eloquently written blog posts. They are filled with so much emotion and so much heart. They are real. They are raw. 

It excites me. It motivates me. It makes me brave. It opens my eyes to a world I only could think of.

I might not have the words. I might not have a well read blog. I might not be the most detailed writer. 

But I have the heart.

I have the heart to love the babies that come through my doors. I have the time to invest in their little lives and pour my heart and soul out ... only to know that reunifcation is huge and that these babies aren't mine to keep forever. Unless the Lord calls me to that, too. 

"Catch and release." That is how one blogger referred to her journey. Some homes are called to be a catch and release. Some are meant to be a forever home. 

One of my favorite quotes is from one of my now favorite movies, Martian Child: “I get all the arguments against it. I even get the one that says... "I don't know if I want to bring another kid into this world." But how do you argue with the logic of loving one that's already here?” 

How do you argue with the logic of loving one [a child] that's already here?  My heart breaks. 

There are so many children that just exist. They fail to thrive. They miss out on love. 

If I can show just one child what love is. If I can take just one child and impact their world. If I can be that catch and release and give just one child a loving home... even if for just a little bit of time ... it will all be worth it. 

I want to be that home that has arms and doors wide open. Love can freely move here. 

Regardless of age, rage, gender. Regardless of how the child came into the world. Regardless of parental background. Regardless of regardlesses. This home is LOVE.

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What's been happening?

A lot. It has been a busy week not just in my foster care journey world, but in my world all around me.

As far as foster care goes ... The past 2 weeks have been spent making a registry on Amazon as well as at Wal-Mart. It is kind of weird ... it isn't something that I would have ever considered doing, but one of my best friends wants to throw me a "baby shower." At first I was completely turned off to the idea. I actually fought it and said no about 4 or 5 times. She had a good point, and ultimately I agreed. I would be so completely honored for friends and family alike to pull together and support me in this journey. I have learned that preparing for Children is not cheap. I am prepared, and have been, but it still doesn't mean I don't step back and go "What!?" when I see the price of some things!

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Cribs, Safety gates, monitor and a car seat. Those are my staples before my application/home study can even be considered to be submitted to the state.

My "wish list" on Amazon grows by the day; though I am pretty sure I only need ONE carseat and not the 5 or 6 that I have on that list.

I have become that mom that reads the reviews on literally EVERYTHING. While I may not be the "biological mom," I already care for the babies and love them so deeply that I want what is best for them.



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I have seen God come through in so many areas just reinforcing the idea that this is His plan for me.
The support that I have been receiving is almost more than I can take. I am just in awe. I mean, I should not be surprised, yet I am.

My family is completely on board. My friends stand by me 100%. My boss is even helping me look into day care options.

When I needed my TB skin test, I showed up at the health department and the nurse asked me if it was for school. I explained that it wasn't, but instead was because I am in the process of becoming a foster mom. God did the coolest thing; He stirred her heart and the nurse announced that the fee was going to be waived. There goes $27 towards cribs, car seats and safety gates! I walked out of there feeling an open heaven above me. I had the biggest grin on my face knowing that I am walking in God's will.

Other things along the way have just put smiles on my face and just reinforced why I am doing this.

I have become addicted to reading foster care blogs (and product reviews!!)!


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There is so much to take in on this journey. I don't just want it to rush by. I am so far into it, that I can hardly remember the feelings that went through my mind when a 2 inch stack of paper was left on my table that I needed to read through and sign back in November.


I was just going to inquire. I was just taking it one step at a time. Each and every one of those steps has ultimately led me to the here and the now.

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The Nursery is painted. I finally invested in a Co2 detector. That is as far as I have gotten on that home aspect of it.


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My heart is ready. I have done so much reading that any preconceived notion of "how amazingly wonderfully awesome" foster care is, has been put in its proper place.

Yes. There are those magical moments (I have read about them). Yepp, there are those pretty trying moments, too (I have been told about those). There is a whole variety of possibilities. I don't know what I am getting into. I know that I have been called to it and the words that my Abba keeps reminding me: "I have call you to this. I am going to bring you through it."


There will be sleepless nights ahead. There will be sick babies, and toddler tantrums. There will be messy floors, and finger print smudges on the walls. There will be many tears shed and confusion and chaos. It just comes with the territory. But these children that walk through my doors will know LOVE. They will be immersed in it. They will be shown it. They will be told it. They will be loved. They already are.

"90% of the way done with the hard stuff"

Well here I am, 5 months into the process and just finally starting to document it. The thought has been ever present on my mind, but the time and commitment has been intimidating.What would I write about? What would I say? I just want to be real. I want to be open to share the amazing mission The Lord has called me to. So here it is.


For years -- almost 5 years, it has been on my heart. When I moved into a house that was "too far from the city" and about several hundred square feet too big for just the two inhabitants who were to live here, I remember standing in my entry way praising God for this beautiful place to call home and marveling at the expansiveness of it. It was in this spot when God spoke to the tender place in my heart and said, "I am going to use this house to further my kingdom." I knew instantly what that meant, but never could I have envisioned it would be happening now. I was thinking this promise would take place 10 years from then. Maybe longer. Hoping for sooner. But I tucked those words in the back of my mind and in the depth of my heart.

God works in mysterious ways. It felt like the stars aligned. I felt the heavens open and I knew it was time. I felt that whisper, that nudge ... "Go and Do!" It was time I start to inquire. Even if I hit a dead end. Even if my circumstances were not ideal. It was completely in God's hands. Never before had I felt so on the edge of something so nerve-wracking and something so beautifully amazing!! I get goosebumps just typing it now!

I kept putting one foot in front of the other. I kept surrendering to the Lord. I kept pressing into Him. About mid-September, I made a phone call and left a voice mail. I got a Voice mail back. I called back and left yet another Voice mail. Phone tag. (Who ever thought that would be fun?) Finally after about 7-14 days and countless voice-mails later, we touched base and I was set to receive a packet in the mail that week.

Talk about God doing great things! I was all gas with no brakes. I received that packet and immediately was able to get time off work to attend the mandatory meeting the 2nd Monday of October. After leaving that night, I made 5 phone calls to people whom the Spirit led me to. The application was submitted by that Thursday. There was nothing holding me back besides the dark lies of the enemy. But I clung onto the promise I had from God. "Even if," I was ALL IN until God said stop. I spoke His promise over my life. I said "even if now is not the right time, I know one day it will be."


Fast forward countless papers to sift through and read.

Fast forward the piles and piles of papers that needed signatures.

Fast Forward the doubts, fears, excitement, happiness, nerves and wondering what the world would think.

Fast forward years of journaling this in prayer ...




Fast ward to just last week when I received the news "You are about 90% of the way done with the hard stuff." 




A dream is becoming a reality. I am in AWE of the out pour of SUPPORT I have received.

Just yesterday I cam across a paper I wrote in 2010. It was a list of "things I surrender to the Lord."

It was perfect. It aligned with the dream I shared with a couple of friends on New Years Eve 2013. 

This went along with things I had been finding as I paged through my journals of years past, "Lord, you know my heart! You know my desire to do this! It is completely in Your hands ... I know you are calling me to this, but you are going to have to prepare the way for me!" 

Prepare the way He did!

Only 10% more to go "with the hard stuff." Whatever that looks like, I am prepared and ready.

My God has called me to this, and He will see me through it.


It is with great jubilation and a heart bursting with so much extra love that I am thrilled beyond belief to say, I am becoming a Foster Mom.