A Month Later

Wow. What can change in a month.


After the last post I just left things be. I was done with the weekly updates when nothing was happening, except an email every other week letting me know it was still delayed, from May to July.


I started to drool over Mazda Miatas. I started crunching numbers and thinking about what I was going to do with all the "stuff" I had invested it. Never once did I feel I bought anything for naught, and regardless of the outcome, I knew that I had bought everything for a reason; I had bought in faith.


So the days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months. I wish I could say that my faith never waivered. By late June/early July I was questioning every day if this was something that was going to happen now or not. I felt I would officially withdraw my application. I felt that I would just say that I'd try again in 6-10 years. But c'mon. I knew that if it didn't happen now, the chances of it ever happening were extremely slim. So I just held out in limbo from late June.


I continued to pray. I continued to press into God. I continued to speak life into my life and pray over the children that would be in my care. I am a firm believer that faith comes by hearing. I also know the destructiveness of internal self talk. I have lived and experienced that proclaiming truth aloud silences this negative thinking and that by focusing on a mantra or promise from God it brings peace and truth and results. I kept on living.


Fast forward to July 8th. I was at work, and checking my personal email on my phone as I had been so frantically doing several times an hour since May. There it was. An email from my licensor. It had a funny subject. It had my name, some letters and plenty of numbers. I opened it and all it said was "Your license is now open."


OPEN. Effective July 8th, my license is open. I sat in a crying puddle of joy-filled tears. God IS FAITHFUL. IS. He is ever so faithful.


It didn't really sink it at that moment. It did, yet it didn't.


I checked the mail daily for the paper license. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Saturday. Monday. Every time nothing. I began to wonder if I misunderstood what "open" meant. I had dressed both beds months ago, but now I opened up all packages of sheets and washed every single bed sheet, blanket and burp cloth. I was living in faith and living my new reality.


I called my licensor to inquire about what the future looked like that following Monday morning. He told me that by their standards, I was open for placements. He said the paper license can take up to 2 additional weeks to be mailed. So I stopped frantically checking the mail. I knew it would be coming. I told my licensor that I was open for placements starting in August, but that I could do weekend respite/substitute care the last two weekends of July as needed.


No calls the first week. No weekend placements last weekend. Saturday came and the mailbox was empty. As I turned to head back up the driveway, the mailman came and HAND DELIVERED my foster license. From his hands to mine. I opened it up and there it was. Licensure FELT REAL!.


I received a call for substitute care for this upcoming weekend, but due to underlying circumstances, it would not have been a good placement. That's what happens in Foster Care. There is so much that goes on behind the scenes that I have no idea about.


So I wait.


Waiting for a phone call to see if weekend care is needed this weekend.


Otherwise I wait still.


I am sure I'll be getting that call in August.


I am a momma. All the delays, all the tears, all the paperwork, and investments are worth it. Every.single.one.of.them.


Welcome, to the sisterhood of Motherhood. The journey continues.