Amazed. Encouraged. In awe. Emotions. Time stands still, yet goes by too fast.
Foster Care and all the glories that come with it.
Too often words aren't even enough. How can I possibly be so eloquent with my words when the whole basis behind foster care is such a heartache and mess? How can I not love the littles in my home? How can I part with them? How can I work with their parents and the case worker and every other person in their short little lives towards a common goal of reunification?
To be called on this journey is something that I have no answer as to why. To be called, to be chosen, to be hand picked to lay my heart on the line and let the Love of God flow in me and through me.
I am honored. I am humbled. I just sit, stand and kneel is complete awe and amazement. I laugh and giggle. I am filled with such joy.
Sometimes I feel guilty for expressing how much I love being a mom. Especially given these circumstance. I was talking with a neighbor this past weekend, and I said "Oh, I am only a Foster Mom." She stopped me right there and said "Not ONLY, you ARE her Foster Mom! There is not only. You are."
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Too often I find myself living under a stereotype that no one has given me aside from myself. I have very few people in my life that give me a hard time, or speak these things into my life. Sometimes it feels like the negative is overpowering, but in all actuality, LIGHT WINS.
The past 6 weeks have been filled with self-talk and negative, shameful and doubting phrases. I have walked surrounded by a dark cloud that doesn't actually exist. Because I made it exist in my mind, I believed it.
It wasn't until I was talking with a coworker and able to put words to it, that I realized what I was doing and how I was living.
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There is no shame in being a Foster Mom/Parent. There should never be, and shame on anyone who shames a Foster Parent.
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Who really cares what the world thinks? I only care what my Father in Heaven says of me.
I fell into the pit of caring what other people say about me. I feel into a negative way of thinking based on what others were saying to preserve their own self image. I fell into shame and guilt because I was worrying that the world was going to lash out at me.
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God is so gentle though. He spoke to my heart and He reaffirmed who I am. He spoke truth into my very soul and spirit and mind. He spoke peace and joy back into my life. He spoke identity and life.
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The world is going to do what the world wants to do. The world may reject Father God, but I won't. He has called me to where I am, and I am going to walk in this journey and walk in the fullness of life.
God is so much bigger than anything the world throws at me. God is so much bigger than any trial I face in this life.
With all that being said, I lift my head high, and I surrender everything ... I give my all to the One that Gave His All.
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