Teachable

On the up and up?? Maybe. I hope so.


Trying to juggle and balance this wonderfully exhausting beautiful fairytale of a journey that is called "Motherhood."


There are definitely moments that I wouldn't ever wish to change. Then there are moments that are.just.so.much.


I don't have biological children, yet I envision raising biological children to be far easier than raising foster babies. Since I have nothing to compare it to, I can't actually set that as a rule. Just something that I often think about.


That is NOT to say that motherhood in any form is actually "Easy." Because it isn't. I am sure biological babies come with challenges all of their own. There is the post-partum recovery. The sole supporting of financially. The "these are my responsibility for the next 18 years."


In doing foster care, those are 2-3 of the very things that I don't have to stress over, mostly. Yes, there is a financial responsibility, but there is also modest assistance from the state.


--


Changes are underway and there are some really hard decision that need to be made. There are things that need to be done, but there is something that says "not now."


"Jump in with both feet and drown" kind of feeling. No thank you. I'll pass this time around.


To make those feelings known and spoken out loud so that they don't bore a hole in the abyss of my mind.


This journey is not for the faint of heart. It is truly testing my strength.


Like a muscle that gets exercised frequently to gain strength, this journey is only making me all the stronger. I am learning things I didn't know I needed to be taught.