The Emotions

Bittersweet. It is the only word that I've managed to muster. It's the only word that makes sense.

How could there be another word so fitting that would perfectly encompasses every emotion under the sun that comes with welcoming a baby into my home and my heart, only for 7 months later there to be a void, gaping open, that longs to be filled.

God come! Come and fill the hearts of your faithful and enkindle in them a spirit of your love!



She hasn't even gone back yet. I still get to see her and tuck her in bed tonight. I still get to sing her sweet lullaby's for a night or two yet. Maybe longer. The anticipation of the void is there.
Auto pilot. Just doing what I need to do because I don't actually know what is happening. Will she be gone this weekend or next? Will everything come together or fall apart? For the baby's sake, I pray she can go back home and begin her new normal of living life to the absolute fullest.



I don't know if I'll cry when she goes home. Maybe not at first. My heart is guarded from the good bye right now when I am honest with myself.

How can I be happy seeing a part of my heart going on to live a life where I only play a small role?


The past 7 months I have been her constant. I have been her everything. And suddenly that's just ... gone.

This is my first good-bye. The first of many, I am sure. I went into this knowing this day would come.

I am so very happy for her and the journey she will continue to embrace. I am sad that she had to experience all she has in her short, beautiful little life.

I am thankful for love. I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to love and to be loved. This journey has not been easy, but it is rewarding. I am excited for what the future holds not just for this little, but for all the littles that are yet to come.
God is faithful. God is good. I am in awe that he chose me to shepherd this little heart.


The world has been throwing negatives at me. They question, they make comments. I've allowed this to infiltrate my essence. I've thought something must be wrong with me since I am not a hot mess of emotions.
God is guarding my heart. He has called me to this journey and He alone sustains me. Yes, emotions are running rampant, but only because I can see all things good.


People have said some strange things. They speak from a place of ignorance as they don't know.


I get that people have the best of intentions. I've learned to take many with a grain of salt.


So as I enter this new season of being a mom to my 4 year old son ... I embrace it with arms wide open.