Amazed. Encouraged. In awe. Emotions. Time stands still, yet goes by too fast.
Foster Care and all the glories that come with it.
Too often words aren't even enough. How can I possibly be so eloquent with my words when the whole basis behind foster care is such a heartache and mess? How can I not love the littles in my home? How can I part with them? How can I work with their parents and the case worker and every other person in their short little lives towards a common goal of reunification?
To be called on this journey is something that I have no answer as to why. To be called, to be chosen, to be hand picked to lay my heart on the line and let the Love of God flow in me and through me.
I am honored. I am humbled. I just sit, stand and kneel is complete awe and amazement. I laugh and giggle. I am filled with such joy.
Sometimes I feel guilty for expressing how much I love being a mom. Especially given these circumstance. I was talking with a neighbor this past weekend, and I said "Oh, I am only a Foster Mom." She stopped me right there and said "Not ONLY, you ARE her Foster Mom! There is not only. You are."
--
Too often I find myself living under a stereotype that no one has given me aside from myself. I have very few people in my life that give me a hard time, or speak these things into my life. Sometimes it feels like the negative is overpowering, but in all actuality, LIGHT WINS.
The past 6 weeks have been filled with self-talk and negative, shameful and doubting phrases. I have walked surrounded by a dark cloud that doesn't actually exist. Because I made it exist in my mind, I believed it.
It wasn't until I was talking with a coworker and able to put words to it, that I realized what I was doing and how I was living.
--
There is no shame in being a Foster Mom/Parent. There should never be, and shame on anyone who shames a Foster Parent.
--
Who really cares what the world thinks? I only care what my Father in Heaven says of me.
I fell into the pit of caring what other people say about me. I feel into a negative way of thinking based on what others were saying to preserve their own self image. I fell into shame and guilt because I was worrying that the world was going to lash out at me.
--
God is so gentle though. He spoke to my heart and He reaffirmed who I am. He spoke truth into my very soul and spirit and mind. He spoke peace and joy back into my life. He spoke identity and life.
--
The world is going to do what the world wants to do. The world may reject Father God, but I won't. He has called me to where I am, and I am going to walk in this journey and walk in the fullness of life.
God is so much bigger than anything the world throws at me. God is so much bigger than any trial I face in this life.
With all that being said, I lift my head high, and I surrender everything ... I give my all to the One that Gave His All.
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
Thursday, October 8, 2015
In the Middle of the Night
"A Baby changes everything" is what I have heard and how the song goes.
Welcoming a baby into my heart and my home has been very different than what I envisioned. All at the same time, I don't think I really envisioned what it would be like.
This whole foster care journey has been surrendered to God from the beginning. Yes, there were definitely moments when I tried to take hold of the reigns, but God gently reassured me that He has got this. And got it, He does!
Last night from 2-3:30am I had a wide awake baby. She was crying her scared cry. I am not sure what had her so worked up, but I tried to give her the pacifier, I tried laying her down, I tried patting her back, I tried holding her. She was inconsolable. Finally I took her favorite blanket and I swaddled her. She does not like being swaddled, or at least she hasn't yet, but last night I wrapped her up like a little burrito and I took her downstairs and we sat in the living room and rocked. She was wide eyed and aware of her surroundings. She finally started to calm down and relax, but every time I moved her, or tried to stand up, the crying continued.
I finally put her back in bed because an hour had passed, and I was at a loss what to do. She was no falling back asleep, she was not relaxing. She cried for a little while (it was her "I am mad you are not holding me right now" cry) and I went back into my bed and prayed that God and His angels would surround her and love on her. I prayed that the spirit of fear would leave.
My heart broke. I felt so selfish. I was exhausted. So badly I wanted to just hold her and never let her go. Yet at the same time I was frustrated. I was upset that this happens every.single.Wednesday into Thursday. I just wanted her to sleep. I just wanted to sleep. I always think about turning off the baby monitor so that I can get some sleep. Then I think that I am cold and heartless. I do miss sleeping through the night and not having to get up earlier than usual to make sure the baby gets dropped off at the sitters so that I can make it to work on time.
So many feels. So many thoughts. It is only a moment, a blink, when I'll wake up after sleeping through the night and the baby will be gone. She will be back home. And if that isn't her story, one day not too far from now, I'll wake up and she will be grown. She won't need me rocking her back to sleep. She won't need me holding her and cuddling in the wee hours of the morning, just the two of us as the rest of the world sleeps. I won't be holding her on my lap, trying to nap as I try to get her to go back to sleep.
It goes both ways. There is always give and take. It won't ever be a win-win. I want her to sleep through the night, but I want her to know she can rely on me.
She already has enough unknowns and uncertainties in her life. She doesn't need more.
I got a good nights rest last night. I slept well again from 3:30ish to 6 once the baby had calmed down and drifted off to sleep. I made it to the daycare nearly on time. Only 3 minutes late instead of the 10-15 that I usually am.
Snuggling with my munchkin is the best. She is growing up way too fast already. She likes to be down and getting into things where as just 5 short weeks ago she wanted nothing but to be held.
While I still wish she wanted to be held a little more than she does now, and while I wished that she had wanted to be put down a little more then, I am so thankful that I got in as many baby snuggles as I could soak up the past 5 weeks. I am thankful I worked to get the baby on a schedule. I am thankful that she is gaining confidence and independence and that she can self soothe more now then she was able to when she first entered into my home.
She sits like a champ. She crawls like a pro. She is pulling herself up and getting adventurous!
I love her with my whole heart. I love her with every ounce of my being.
She is my world and she has changed me for the better.
Welcoming a baby into my heart and my home has been very different than what I envisioned. All at the same time, I don't think I really envisioned what it would be like.
This whole foster care journey has been surrendered to God from the beginning. Yes, there were definitely moments when I tried to take hold of the reigns, but God gently reassured me that He has got this. And got it, He does!
Last night from 2-3:30am I had a wide awake baby. She was crying her scared cry. I am not sure what had her so worked up, but I tried to give her the pacifier, I tried laying her down, I tried patting her back, I tried holding her. She was inconsolable. Finally I took her favorite blanket and I swaddled her. She does not like being swaddled, or at least she hasn't yet, but last night I wrapped her up like a little burrito and I took her downstairs and we sat in the living room and rocked. She was wide eyed and aware of her surroundings. She finally started to calm down and relax, but every time I moved her, or tried to stand up, the crying continued.
I finally put her back in bed because an hour had passed, and I was at a loss what to do. She was no falling back asleep, she was not relaxing. She cried for a little while (it was her "I am mad you are not holding me right now" cry) and I went back into my bed and prayed that God and His angels would surround her and love on her. I prayed that the spirit of fear would leave.
My heart broke. I felt so selfish. I was exhausted. So badly I wanted to just hold her and never let her go. Yet at the same time I was frustrated. I was upset that this happens every.single.Wednesday into Thursday. I just wanted her to sleep. I just wanted to sleep. I always think about turning off the baby monitor so that I can get some sleep. Then I think that I am cold and heartless. I do miss sleeping through the night and not having to get up earlier than usual to make sure the baby gets dropped off at the sitters so that I can make it to work on time.
So many feels. So many thoughts. It is only a moment, a blink, when I'll wake up after sleeping through the night and the baby will be gone. She will be back home. And if that isn't her story, one day not too far from now, I'll wake up and she will be grown. She won't need me rocking her back to sleep. She won't need me holding her and cuddling in the wee hours of the morning, just the two of us as the rest of the world sleeps. I won't be holding her on my lap, trying to nap as I try to get her to go back to sleep.
It goes both ways. There is always give and take. It won't ever be a win-win. I want her to sleep through the night, but I want her to know she can rely on me.
She already has enough unknowns and uncertainties in her life. She doesn't need more.
I got a good nights rest last night. I slept well again from 3:30ish to 6 once the baby had calmed down and drifted off to sleep. I made it to the daycare nearly on time. Only 3 minutes late instead of the 10-15 that I usually am.
Snuggling with my munchkin is the best. She is growing up way too fast already. She likes to be down and getting into things where as just 5 short weeks ago she wanted nothing but to be held.
While I still wish she wanted to be held a little more than she does now, and while I wished that she had wanted to be put down a little more then, I am so thankful that I got in as many baby snuggles as I could soak up the past 5 weeks. I am thankful I worked to get the baby on a schedule. I am thankful that she is gaining confidence and independence and that she can self soothe more now then she was able to when she first entered into my home.
She sits like a champ. She crawls like a pro. She is pulling herself up and getting adventurous!
I love her with my whole heart. I love her with every ounce of my being.
She is my world and she has changed me for the better.
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Heaven's Delight
One of the hard things about Foster Care, and I've read about it from other Foster parents, is that the "monthiversary" or "anniversary" dates to remember are the dates the child came into care or was adopted, etc. My baby celebrated her 9 month birthday, and it also escaped me until 10 minutes before her bedtime. The 3rd is the date of importance to me. The 3rd is the day my world came to a complete stop.
One month was the 3rd. Thursdays are the weeks. 1 week .. 2 weeks .. 3 weeks .. 4 weeks .. almost 5 weeks later.
Day 34 of my first foster care placement. 34 days feels like so long while waiting for something, yet looking backwards, I think I blinked.
My 9 months old is now crawling ... crawling fast! She is determined to get to where she wants to go. She is pulling herself up along the sofa, end tables, chair, laundry baskets, carseat, and anything else she can.
Time goes by too fast when one is in love. And this is the truth.
We take it day by day with lots of love, snuggles, book reading and floor time. We go to the park and go on walks and just enjoy so much that life has to offer us in this season.
I am really excited to experience a lot of things with this munchkin. I am excited to see where life takes me and her. I am excited to pour into her life in this season!
She is a mighty warrior. She is fearfully and wonderfully made. God delights Himself in her.
One month was the 3rd. Thursdays are the weeks. 1 week .. 2 weeks .. 3 weeks .. 4 weeks .. almost 5 weeks later.
Day 34 of my first foster care placement. 34 days feels like so long while waiting for something, yet looking backwards, I think I blinked.
My 9 months old is now crawling ... crawling fast! She is determined to get to where she wants to go. She is pulling herself up along the sofa, end tables, chair, laundry baskets, carseat, and anything else she can.
Time goes by too fast when one is in love. And this is the truth.
We take it day by day with lots of love, snuggles, book reading and floor time. We go to the park and go on walks and just enjoy so much that life has to offer us in this season.
I am really excited to experience a lot of things with this munchkin. I am excited to see where life takes me and her. I am excited to pour into her life in this season!
She is a mighty warrior. She is fearfully and wonderfully made. God delights Himself in her.
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Who Am I?
Well intentioned. I know the words are meant in good will.
I read the blogs. I heard the stories. I experienced it on a small scale.
The questions. The comments. The inquiries.
Bear with me as I write this on too little of sleep, and now I sip coffee hoping it kicks in so I can prepare for a very productive day.
--
No, I cannot talk about why my baby was removed from care. And why do you want to know anyways? Are you trying to make conversation? I am not sure. Are you interested for the sake of the child? This child has been in my care for 27 days now and I still do not know why she is in my care versus the care of a relative. I asked once, but I didn't want to know the answer. I have not asked again.
Will knowing this baby's past and the brokenness of her parents make me love her any more? Any less? Will I compare myself to them and say "at least I am not doing that!" Will you compare me to them or them to me? I am no saint.
Given their life story ... would I have made different choices? Maybe, but maybe not.
--
"I bet you are going to be heartbroken when she goes home." STOP. Just stop right there. And do not speak that into my life. I am not there yet. I am not sure how I am going to embrace and adjust to the new normal. My heart broke the moment I got the call "we have a baby girl ... can you take her?" My heart breaks every moment when she has a family visit and comes back home to me. My heart breaks every time she looks at me and babbles "Mamamamama." My heart breaks every new milestone. My heart breaks every bottle drank and every jar of baby food finished. My heart breaks for her birth momma that gets to visit her only a few short hours a week.
So will I be heartbroken when she goes home? I don't know. I know that I'll miss the heck out of her! I know that it will be different. I know that it will take some time to adjust to being single and childless again. But I will rejoice that she is well and that I did good by her. I will rejoice because I am and at that time, did, LOVE her with all I had. I will rejoice because God chose me to shepherd her for this time. I will rejoice because I am the one that got to experience her first time crawling and her first time pulling herself up to standing. I will rejoice because I got to be the one to read her bedtime stories, and take her for walks and bond with her at such a tender stage. I will rejoice because she is touching SO many lives.
--
Being a foster mom certainly has it challenges. Working at the state level ... no elaboration necessary. The baby came with so many clothes a few sizes too small. But she also came to me on the hottest week of the summer and she came with enough food that lasted the first 2 weeks. Everyone has strengths and everyone has weaknesses. While there were clearly reasons she was removed (remember .. I don't know why), she certainly wasn't removed for lack of nutrition from what I can gather.
I've had to buy the baby clothes for fall and winter. I had to buy the baby pacifiers (ps .. clear pacifiers are awful!!) because she came with none. I had to buy the baby bottles because she came with 2 but one of them leaked at least 1 out of 4 ounces all over her, and the other one ... I use that for family visits.
--
Being a foster mom is so rewarding. I love the baby snuggles and the smiles. I love that this beautiful, perfect little girl looks to me as care provider. The bond we share is indescribable. She trusts me. She knows that I care about her.
She is such a sweetheart and has won over many hearts already.
--
Life. I speak truth, life, light and joy into this wee one's life. I rebuke the strongholds others throw at her. I rebuke the judgments and stereotypes. She is fearfully and wonderfully made. With so much happening in the media centering abortion and planned parenthood ... I REJOICE that her momma chose life. If it means I get many sleepless nights, if it means that I spend twice as much on gas in my vehicle a month because of the detours for sitters, appointments and daycare ... so be it. I'll go to the moon and back for my baby girl.
--
Her Case Worker is phenomenal! She cares so much for this baby. Their bond is indestructible. The love they have for each other is special. The Case Worker wants what is best for this baby and I am so honored to be sitting in and observing this.
--
If you are reading this and see me regularly ... please don't stereotype my baby. Do not attach foster to her name. Do not think poorly of her parents. There are countless reasons for children to be in the system. They do not belong there. Sometimes they are there for specific and good reasons. Other times it has to do with false accusations or a simple mistake. Please join me in loving this sweet girl for a time, and then loving all the other children that enter under my roof.
--
My house is a Safe Haven. God promised me that World changers will be brought up here. I look forward to seeing the paths my babies will take as they grow up. I look forward to the testimonies. I am so excited to see how God will use me and work through me and the kidlets that I will care for. For a season, short-term or long, I will never stop loving the least of them. Let the little Children come to Him. If I can provide a safe, loving and nurturing home that allows for God to be known and heard ...
I don't know my full mission. I can't even begin to imagine why God called me to this. Especially in this season. Why am I a single, mid-20s lady, living with my dad foster Momma? Why now? Why not when I am married? Why not when I am older? Why not when I have my own place? These aren't really questions. I don't actually want to know the answers. I want to walk in this journey, allowing God to direct my paths. I want to follow His calling and listen to his subtle voice.
I know whose I am.
I read the blogs. I heard the stories. I experienced it on a small scale.
The questions. The comments. The inquiries.
Bear with me as I write this on too little of sleep, and now I sip coffee hoping it kicks in so I can prepare for a very productive day.
--
No, I cannot talk about why my baby was removed from care. And why do you want to know anyways? Are you trying to make conversation? I am not sure. Are you interested for the sake of the child? This child has been in my care for 27 days now and I still do not know why she is in my care versus the care of a relative. I asked once, but I didn't want to know the answer. I have not asked again.
Will knowing this baby's past and the brokenness of her parents make me love her any more? Any less? Will I compare myself to them and say "at least I am not doing that!" Will you compare me to them or them to me? I am no saint.
Given their life story ... would I have made different choices? Maybe, but maybe not.
--
"I bet you are going to be heartbroken when she goes home." STOP. Just stop right there. And do not speak that into my life. I am not there yet. I am not sure how I am going to embrace and adjust to the new normal. My heart broke the moment I got the call "we have a baby girl ... can you take her?" My heart breaks every moment when she has a family visit and comes back home to me. My heart breaks every time she looks at me and babbles "Mamamamama." My heart breaks every new milestone. My heart breaks every bottle drank and every jar of baby food finished. My heart breaks for her birth momma that gets to visit her only a few short hours a week.
So will I be heartbroken when she goes home? I don't know. I know that I'll miss the heck out of her! I know that it will be different. I know that it will take some time to adjust to being single and childless again. But I will rejoice that she is well and that I did good by her. I will rejoice because I am and at that time, did, LOVE her with all I had. I will rejoice because God chose me to shepherd her for this time. I will rejoice because I am the one that got to experience her first time crawling and her first time pulling herself up to standing. I will rejoice because I got to be the one to read her bedtime stories, and take her for walks and bond with her at such a tender stage. I will rejoice because she is touching SO many lives.
--
Being a foster mom certainly has it challenges. Working at the state level ... no elaboration necessary. The baby came with so many clothes a few sizes too small. But she also came to me on the hottest week of the summer and she came with enough food that lasted the first 2 weeks. Everyone has strengths and everyone has weaknesses. While there were clearly reasons she was removed (remember .. I don't know why), she certainly wasn't removed for lack of nutrition from what I can gather.
I've had to buy the baby clothes for fall and winter. I had to buy the baby pacifiers (ps .. clear pacifiers are awful!!) because she came with none. I had to buy the baby bottles because she came with 2 but one of them leaked at least 1 out of 4 ounces all over her, and the other one ... I use that for family visits.
--
Being a foster mom is so rewarding. I love the baby snuggles and the smiles. I love that this beautiful, perfect little girl looks to me as care provider. The bond we share is indescribable. She trusts me. She knows that I care about her.
She is such a sweetheart and has won over many hearts already.
--
Life. I speak truth, life, light and joy into this wee one's life. I rebuke the strongholds others throw at her. I rebuke the judgments and stereotypes. She is fearfully and wonderfully made. With so much happening in the media centering abortion and planned parenthood ... I REJOICE that her momma chose life. If it means I get many sleepless nights, if it means that I spend twice as much on gas in my vehicle a month because of the detours for sitters, appointments and daycare ... so be it. I'll go to the moon and back for my baby girl.
--
Her Case Worker is phenomenal! She cares so much for this baby. Their bond is indestructible. The love they have for each other is special. The Case Worker wants what is best for this baby and I am so honored to be sitting in and observing this.
--
If you are reading this and see me regularly ... please don't stereotype my baby. Do not attach foster to her name. Do not think poorly of her parents. There are countless reasons for children to be in the system. They do not belong there. Sometimes they are there for specific and good reasons. Other times it has to do with false accusations or a simple mistake. Please join me in loving this sweet girl for a time, and then loving all the other children that enter under my roof.
--
My house is a Safe Haven. God promised me that World changers will be brought up here. I look forward to seeing the paths my babies will take as they grow up. I look forward to the testimonies. I am so excited to see how God will use me and work through me and the kidlets that I will care for. For a season, short-term or long, I will never stop loving the least of them. Let the little Children come to Him. If I can provide a safe, loving and nurturing home that allows for God to be known and heard ...
I don't know my full mission. I can't even begin to imagine why God called me to this. Especially in this season. Why am I a single, mid-20s lady, living with my dad foster Momma? Why now? Why not when I am married? Why not when I am older? Why not when I have my own place? These aren't really questions. I don't actually want to know the answers. I want to walk in this journey, allowing God to direct my paths. I want to follow His calling and listen to his subtle voice.
I know whose I am.
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Small update
I can hardly believe that today is day 21. Three whole weeks have nearly passed.
At least now we have somewhat of a timeline to establish some permanency. I'll have Tug Boat at least until the next case review date in December. Less then that if there is a significant development in the case. Longer than that, if deemed appropriate.
Baby has been crawling and making it across the living room. She has a favorite blanket. Naps aren't our favorite times of day, but we have bedtime down like a pro.
She has visits 3 days a week, and it is on those days where I feel a little territorial and have that eye opening experience that she is not my baby. She has a momma and a daddy. She has family.
I have her now. I don't know why. I don't know her story of removal. I don't know the whys. I actually don't think I want to know the whys.
Often I think back to the terribly long process of getting licensed and I think that it needed to happen that way. Had I been licensed sooner, who knows if I would have this baby.
God's timing is the best timing. I learn this over and over again.
Even when it comes to day care. I had one all lined up and I wasn't too keen on leaving my baby in her care, so everything kind of fell through. Then I found Mrs. Dottie. I love her. She does well with my baby. Today is only day 2, but I have a feeling that my baby girl is in good hands ... the hands God intended her to be in while I work.
Day care prices are steep, but I trust in God. Not sure how everything is going to fall into place, but God has been ever present throughout the entire journey, He is not about to leave me now!
At least now we have somewhat of a timeline to establish some permanency. I'll have Tug Boat at least until the next case review date in December. Less then that if there is a significant development in the case. Longer than that, if deemed appropriate.
Baby has been crawling and making it across the living room. She has a favorite blanket. Naps aren't our favorite times of day, but we have bedtime down like a pro.
She has visits 3 days a week, and it is on those days where I feel a little territorial and have that eye opening experience that she is not my baby. She has a momma and a daddy. She has family.
I have her now. I don't know why. I don't know her story of removal. I don't know the whys. I actually don't think I want to know the whys.
Often I think back to the terribly long process of getting licensed and I think that it needed to happen that way. Had I been licensed sooner, who knows if I would have this baby.
God's timing is the best timing. I learn this over and over again.
Even when it comes to day care. I had one all lined up and I wasn't too keen on leaving my baby in her care, so everything kind of fell through. Then I found Mrs. Dottie. I love her. She does well with my baby. Today is only day 2, but I have a feeling that my baby girl is in good hands ... the hands God intended her to be in while I work.
Day care prices are steep, but I trust in God. Not sure how everything is going to fall into place, but God has been ever present throughout the entire journey, He is not about to leave me now!
Thursday, September 10, 2015
162 Hours Later
It has been 162 hours since I picked up my first placement.
It was love at first sight.
As I sit here, I am trying to think back 168 hours ago ... what was I doing? What was I thinking? I hadn't even gotten the call yet. I was making plans. I was planning that night and the errands I was going to run, and the things that I was going to do. When with 1 phone call ... my life changed forever.
~~
This beautiful baby has given me the title of mom. I have no idea how long she will be in my care. Possibly today she'll be moved. Not likely, I am told. But in foster care ... anything can happen at anytime.
Cases can be set for reunification for 15 months, then all of a sudden parents rights are terminated. The goal might be for parent's rights to be terminated, when there is a court hearing and the kids are ordered home that night.
~~
Being a Foster Parent is risky. My heart is on the line. When I agreed to take a placement, it was pretty much setting my heart up to be broken.
Within 20 minutes I was smitten with a little angel that captivated my heart.
~~
The first evening was wonderful. She was so happy! She laughed, and slept and I tried to offer her a bottle, but she really wasn't all that interested.
We got home really late, but I knew that was going to happen. I knew we were in for a long night. I tried to put her down at 10:30 after her bath, but she was not for that at all. We tried to rock in the chair, but she was so fascinated by my puppy that sleep was not happening. Knowing that I had the following day off, but had appointments scheduled, I was ok that it was now going on 11:15.
Finally I pulled out the Ergobaby, placed her in it, and within 10 minutes she was out. I laid her in bed, and she was up 4 times between midnight and 6am. It was a long night.
We ran our errands and made it on time to our appointments on Friday. Only 24 hours had passed, and I was trying to get baby on schedule as she had never been on one before.
The weekend was really good. I went to church with my mom and 2 little sisters on Saturday. My cousin brought me dinner and visited. Then I went to my friends church on Sunday and did introductions. We hung out with some really awesome momma's and their little men that afternoon. On Monday, the holiday, I went to my moms and literally spent sun up to sundown there. I wanted my baby to know she could trust being there because she would be up there everyday this week until I put her in daycare.
I did find a daycare and she will go there 3 days a week starting next week.
The driving back and forth and trying to make everything happen at once has been the most draining.
After that first night, baby slept the entire night without getting up once. Then every night since she has only gotten up once during the night ... though last night she was up at 3am only needing her back rubbed and she went right back to sleep ... sleeping the majority of 9p to 8a.
~~
What a roller coaster of a first week it has been. There is nothing that I would change about it. Transitions suck, but baby is settling in and getting comfortable. She is starting to recognize the routine, too. She hates being put down, or when I walk out of the room. But she is a doll and she will be mine as long as I am called to have her. :)
It was love at first sight.
As I sit here, I am trying to think back 168 hours ago ... what was I doing? What was I thinking? I hadn't even gotten the call yet. I was making plans. I was planning that night and the errands I was going to run, and the things that I was going to do. When with 1 phone call ... my life changed forever.
~~
This beautiful baby has given me the title of mom. I have no idea how long she will be in my care. Possibly today she'll be moved. Not likely, I am told. But in foster care ... anything can happen at anytime.
Cases can be set for reunification for 15 months, then all of a sudden parents rights are terminated. The goal might be for parent's rights to be terminated, when there is a court hearing and the kids are ordered home that night.
~~
Being a Foster Parent is risky. My heart is on the line. When I agreed to take a placement, it was pretty much setting my heart up to be broken.
Within 20 minutes I was smitten with a little angel that captivated my heart.
~~
The first evening was wonderful. She was so happy! She laughed, and slept and I tried to offer her a bottle, but she really wasn't all that interested.
We got home really late, but I knew that was going to happen. I knew we were in for a long night. I tried to put her down at 10:30 after her bath, but she was not for that at all. We tried to rock in the chair, but she was so fascinated by my puppy that sleep was not happening. Knowing that I had the following day off, but had appointments scheduled, I was ok that it was now going on 11:15.
Finally I pulled out the Ergobaby, placed her in it, and within 10 minutes she was out. I laid her in bed, and she was up 4 times between midnight and 6am. It was a long night.
We ran our errands and made it on time to our appointments on Friday. Only 24 hours had passed, and I was trying to get baby on schedule as she had never been on one before.
The weekend was really good. I went to church with my mom and 2 little sisters on Saturday. My cousin brought me dinner and visited. Then I went to my friends church on Sunday and did introductions. We hung out with some really awesome momma's and their little men that afternoon. On Monday, the holiday, I went to my moms and literally spent sun up to sundown there. I wanted my baby to know she could trust being there because she would be up there everyday this week until I put her in daycare.
I did find a daycare and she will go there 3 days a week starting next week.
The driving back and forth and trying to make everything happen at once has been the most draining.
After that first night, baby slept the entire night without getting up once. Then every night since she has only gotten up once during the night ... though last night she was up at 3am only needing her back rubbed and she went right back to sleep ... sleeping the majority of 9p to 8a.
~~
What a roller coaster of a first week it has been. There is nothing that I would change about it. Transitions suck, but baby is settling in and getting comfortable. She is starting to recognize the routine, too. She hates being put down, or when I walk out of the room. But she is a doll and she will be mine as long as I am called to have her. :)
Thursday, September 3, 2015
So that's what it feels like -- getting that first call
The adrenaline rush that comes with that first call.
"We have a baby. Are you interested? Call me."
I called back not even 5 minutes past the missed call.
It is a "we might need you, but we will let you know either way."
~~
"Whatever is in the best interested of the baby" is what I said.
Everything I have been preparing for and being prepared for is coming alive before my eyes. It can all change within a moment's notice. I have been given about 2-4 hours to prepare.
~~
It has only been 1 hour. My mind is going from one thought to the next. Wondering if I have a short term baby. Wondering if I have a long term baby. Wondering if I'll even have the baby at all.
Time will tell.
God is in charge. My surrender is in His hands alone.
I am ready for Him to call me out upon the waters and we can swim, sing and dance together.
~~
I have forms prepped for people to be cleared for central registry.
~~
Soup time. I need some lunch.
~~
And not even 2 hours after getting the "can you?" call, I am mentally preparing to pick up FD8 months old after I get off work in an hour.
~~
Count down to "Mom Status" has begin.
"We have a baby. Are you interested? Call me."
I called back not even 5 minutes past the missed call.
It is a "we might need you, but we will let you know either way."
~~
"Whatever is in the best interested of the baby" is what I said.
Everything I have been preparing for and being prepared for is coming alive before my eyes. It can all change within a moment's notice. I have been given about 2-4 hours to prepare.
~~
It has only been 1 hour. My mind is going from one thought to the next. Wondering if I have a short term baby. Wondering if I have a long term baby. Wondering if I'll even have the baby at all.
Time will tell.
God is in charge. My surrender is in His hands alone.
I am ready for Him to call me out upon the waters and we can swim, sing and dance together.
~~
I have forms prepped for people to be cleared for central registry.
~~
Soup time. I need some lunch.
~~
And not even 2 hours after getting the "can you?" call, I am mentally preparing to pick up FD8 months old after I get off work in an hour.
~~
Count down to "Mom Status" has begin.
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